


Sorry I’m late

by chubbycheekkino



Category: K-pop, Pentagon - Fandom
Genre: Help me I will go down with this ship, I LOVE THIS IDEA, I love this ship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 12:15:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17849288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chubbycheekkino/pseuds/chubbycheekkino
Summary: I'm making the ages up for his parents sorry if it's inaccurate,also Yuto is 28 and Kino is 18 here so yeah. Also I could not figure out how to end this so I am sorry it sucks oops





	Sorry I’m late

**Author's Note:**

> I'm making the ages up for his parents sorry if it's inaccurate,also Yuto is 28 and Kino is 18 here so yeah. Also I could not figure out how to end this so I am sorry it sucks oops

Yuto's mother and father met cause Yuto's mother fell out of a tree. It sounds ridiculous but it's the truth.

You see,when she fell she broke her leg. Which, of course, made her cry. The crying is what triggered his father,his head swiveling left and right as he searched for her.

She wasn't anywhere near him, she was actually miles away on the other side of town. But he could still hear her cries as clear as if she were beside him.

After hours of searching hospitals, cause the cry she made sounded painful, he came across a part of town he'd never been to. With a hopeful heart he checked the hospital there and,as luck would have it, he found a room with a young girl who was crying cause her leg had been broken in 3 places after falling from that stupid tree.

He didn't need to say anything to her,he knew it was her as soon as he saw her. Just as she knew it was him when she saw him,his worried eyes told her that. No stranger would have looked that worried.

2 weeks later they were married,and now 40 years later they were still as happy as ever. 

When Yuto was a child he loved to hear that story,it sounded so romantic and happy and perfect in his innocent eyes. When he got older he got confused how it worked cause it made no sense,so he asked his parents. 

And that's when they told him about soulmates.

Apparently when your soulmate cries,whether it be in pain or happiness or sadness, you could hear it. No one around you could hear it,just you. They say it fills your ears and sounds as loud and clear as if they were beside you.

Yuto thought that was stupid,but it did make sense. How else would his father have heard his mother if she was miles away in another part of town? How else would his father have known who she was without even having met her before?

It did make sense in a way,but Yuto wasn't sure he believed it. He wasn't calling his parents liars,it just didn't seem possible. 

His parents laughed with knowing smiles on their lips,telling him he'd understand one day. One day it'd happen to him and it'd all become clear. Yuto still doubted it,but didn't argue.

All through high school people talked about soulmates. 

I wonder where mine is? Do you think they're pretty? Have I met them yet? How will I know it's them? How will they know I'm theirs?It drove Yuto bonkers cause no one shut up about it. 

A group of girls would whine when one of their friends found theirs,fawning and getting all googly eyed as they watched them in the cafeteria together.

A group of boys would slap a hand on the back of the guy who got lucky enough to run into his at the market.

Even his best friend Hyojong found his one day. 

They were walking to their next class and suddenly Hyojong's head swiveled this way and that,his eyes searching for something. Yuto asked what was wrong but Hyojong shushed him and took off in a run toward the front of the school.

Imagine his surprise when he got there and saw the new transfer student,Hui, with a bloody nose. Tears were falling down his cheeks at an alarming rate. Turns out the dumb ass had walked into a door. 

And while Yuto thought that was funny,Hyojong looked in pain. He ran over to the boy and,without a word,threw his arms around him and hugged him close to his chest.

Most people would panic if a random person hugged them out of nowhere but Hui. He clung to the other and looked relieved,as if he was waiting for Hyojong to come and hug him from the start.

Yuto stood there watching the whole exchange and thought of his parents,how his mother just knew without having to ask. No stranger would look that worried she said. Watching the two boys in front of him,Yuto thought maybe she was right.

From then on Hui and Hyojong were inseparable. They went everywhere together as it seemed the two couldn't stand to be apart. They were completely happy in their little blissful world and though it annoyed Yuto sometimes,he was happy for them. His best friend deserved the best and Hui wasn't too bad,sure he was loud and kind of a cry baby but Hyojong didn't seem to mind.

All this only made Yuto more confused on if he believed it. Sure Hui and Hyojong looked great together and seemed to be head over heels,but he still doubted this whole soulmate thing.

Especially when everyone was walking around with theirs clung to their arm,and Yuto was all alone. Day in and day out,Yuto was always alone.

When the weekend hit everyone ran for their soulmates,arms clinging together and smiles as wide as the sky on their faces.

During holidays,everyone was all wrapped up in their soulmate. Yuto felt like he was walking in a drama cause everyone was all googly eyed over each other.

Don't get him wrong,not everyone had found their soulmate. It wasn't like everyone at his school was destained to be with each other. 

There were some people who hadn't found theirs yet,some who wandered the halls looking as annoyed as he was. Some just looked sad and some looked beyond jealous of everyone else.

No,Yuto wasn't alone in that department. But he always felt alone anyway, if only for one thing.

Sometimes one of the students who hadn't found their other half yet would look around with lost eyes,their heads swiveling back and forth their eyes searching for something. They usually looked desperate,the cries in their head in pain or maybe just really loud. 

It usually stopped and his classmates would look deflated,their eyes turning sad as they carried on with their day. But they usually had some little pep in their step because even though they hadn't found the person who was crying out for them,it meant that there was someone out there looking for them. And that made them feel better,knowing they weren't alone in the world.

Yuto on the other hand,never heard a single cry. Not one.

Sometimes he wondered if he was deaf. Maybe his soulmate was crying out loudly for him and he just couldn't hear it. Maybe he was deaf,it was possible right? 

But doctors told him his hearing was fine. Perfect hearing they said.

Perfect hearing. Yuto had perfect hearing and he still hadnt heard a single cry in all his life,not even a small sob. Not one.

So while everyone was all googly eyed over their soulmates,or maybe just hopeful as they walked around without them but could still hear their cries, Yuto walked around like a giant storm cloud. Not hearing anything.

Years passed and Yuto was now 28 years old,and it was still as silent as ever. 

Everyone else had already met theirs somewhere along the way. All his friends were either married or engaged. 

Hui and Hyojong had just celebrated their 8th wedding anniversary and were still as happy as they were in high school.

All his other friends were married or engaged, he'd lost count of how many weddings he had attended.

Even his siblings were all married, all had found their soulmates somewhere along the way and now they were happy as could be. Some even had children and his older sister was currently pregnant with her 3rd.

But for Yuto,the world remained silent. He never heard any cries or sobs or whines. No sound ever filled his ears and so he never found himself searching around for someone only he could hear.

The world was silent for Yuto, and he had long ago given up hope.

His parents usually smiled with that knowing look of theirs,saying his soulmate must have been a late bloomer. Or that they didn't cry very much,it wasn't unknown for that to happen. 

But sometimes Yuto could see a worried look in his moms eyes or a troubled twitch in his fathers mouth and he knew what that meant without them having to say it. 

Yuto didn't have a soulmate. He didn't have a soulmate,and he would always be alone.

He acted fine with it,acted unbothered by the fact he'd be alone forever while everyone else had someone destained to be with them. But only to himself would he admit how upset he was,though he never cried about it.

It was a rainy Monday and Yuto had just gotten off work. He worked at a company his father owned and though his father said he didn't have to physically come in and work,Yuto did it anyway cause what else did he have to do? He didn't have a soulmate so he had lots of free time. He could date but what was the point in that? If they weren't his soulmate why waste the time?

As he was stepping onto the subway, a loud sound filled his ears. It was so loud he stumbled onto the subway,bumping into an old couple. He apologized but the sound filled his ears again and he glanced around,curious where it was coming from.

People were talking and laughing but no one was making the sound he was hearing. Before he could look around any more, the sound stopped. Gone as fast as it came.

Yuto glanced around in confusion, searching for what could have made that noise. But he didn't see anything so he shrugged and checked his phone,missing the knowing look the old couple gave each other.

The next day Yuto was running late for work so,instead of making his own,he decided to order a cup of coffee from the cafe near his apartment. It was rather busy as everyone hustled and bustled,in a hurry to get somewhere other than where they were. This was why Yuto preferred home made coffee,no hustle and bustle.

He was next in line and he opened his mouth to order,when a loud noise much like yesterday sounded out in his ear.

It was so loud,it was unlike anything he'd ever heard. Yuto can't remember ever hearing something as loud as this,and he always listened to his music on full volume. 

His head swiveled back and forth,wondering where the loud noise was coming from. Was there a construction crew outside or something? He glanced through the glass but no,no there was not.

Was someone inside making that noise? He looked around,ignoring some of the dirty looks he was getting from some of the people in line. Some were glaring but none of them were making that sound so that was out.

What was it? It was so loud and...muffled? It sounded muffled. I mean it was clear enough to be loud but it was very muffled. Yuto couldn't quite hear if it was saying something or if it was just a sound. 

Yuto's head swiveled back and forth,desperately wondering where this loud sound was coming from. But he couldn't find it. And in a split second,the sound was once again gone.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion,tugging on his ear to see if maybe he had stuck his earbuds in and they had fallen out but no. No he wasn't wearing any. 

He glanced around again, tempted to ask if anyone else heard the loud sound. But the person behind him coughed in annoyance so Yuto just stepped up to the counter and ordered.

Though he couldn't get the sound out of his head.

A week passed and Yuto forgot about the loud noise he'd heard. It never happened again so he thought maybe he was imagining it,maybe he was going crazy from his bad sleeping habits. He was known to stay up till 3 watching a movie instead of getting rest.

Whatever it was,the sound didn't come back and Yuto thought it was just his imagination going wild. Maybe he was hearing things,that could happen right?

Till one night when Yuto was so tired and actually going to bed on time. 

It was around 10:30 and he was exhausted from the long day he had. There was a lot of paperwork and a meeting and he had to go grocery shopping before going over to eat with his family,which of course everyone brought up the soulmate thing again.

Whenever he was with his family they always asked if he'd heard them yet. Which of course he replied no to. And of course his parents would smile with that knowing smile even though sometimes it trembled. Usually Yuto would just change the subject and soon everyone was talking about other  things,although secretly they were all thinking about the soulmate thing. 

So yeah,dinner was exhausting but he still went cause he loved them all. But it did take its toll on him and he was tired,so tired he was actually going to sleep at a normal time.

He had just gotten comfortable and was slipping into the dream world,when that sound filled his ears again.

It was loud,so so loud. Louder then he remembered it being. Yuto sat up so fast his neck cracked but the pain wasn't important,he shoved it aside for later.

Because for the first time since this had started,the sound wasn't muffled. It was as clear as day,so clear it sounded so close he felt he could reach out and touch it.

It was coming in crystal clear, and Yuto wished it wasn't.

It was a person. And they were crying. Full on crying. But it wasn't a happy cry at all. This sound didn't sound the least bit happy, there was no trace of a smile on this persons lips. 

They sounded sad,so so sad. Yuto's never heard a cry sound so sad,he doesn't remember everyone hearing someone sound so heartbroken in all his life.

At first Yuto is frozen. He's not sure what to do or where to look. Does he get up and leave his apartment? Should he call a cab and go look on the other side of town like his father did? Should he call his father? Perhaps his mother? Yuto isn't sure,this has never happened to him before.

But Yuto finds he can't move. His head doesn't swivel left or right and he doesn't reach for his phone to call someone. No,Yuto is frozen.

He just sits there,his insides aching and twisting in such a painful way he feels sick. 

The person cries so loud it hurts his eardrums but he doesn't care. They sound so heartbreakingly sad, Yuto can't bring himself to care about that. So he just sits there,his hands in his lap as he listens to this person cry so hard they start to cough. 

When the sound finally dies down the clock reads 4 am, and Yuto's hands hurt from clenching the sheets so hard.

The next day Yuto went to work,ate with his colleagues and signed countless papers his father didn't have time to finish. He went grocery shopping for his mother and picked up his oldest brothers daughter from school,all while in silence. No cries were heard in Yuto's head.

But they weren't forgotten. He couldn't forget how they sounded and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't listening for it in cause whoever they were cried again. But no sound came and Yuto went on with his day.

When night came around,he was too nervous to sleep. He was expecting to hear the cries again,not that he wanted to. 

I mean yeah it would have been nice,a reminder he wasn't as alone in the world as he felt. But the cries were so painful to hear Yuto was fine with silence.

10 pm came around and nothing. 11 pm and nothing. Midnight came and silence followed. As with 1am and 2 am. By 3 Yuto was tired and by 4 he fell asleep,all without a single cry.

For the following week it was like this,every night Yuto was afraid to sleep for fear of the pained cries he might hear. He didn't wanna miss them,didn't want them to be alone. I mean technically he wasn't with them,but he could at least be awake and suffer with them. It wasn't fair to suffer alone.

Every night he'd sit up watching the clock,waiting and listening. Wondering what time they'd start tonight,maybe they'd start in the am instead of pm. Who knows?

Every night it was like this,he'd sit there with open ears and worried eyes. His fingers fidgeting and tugging his lip in nerves,a habit he never grew out of it. Every night he was cautious and he waited.

But every night,there was silence. No cries sounded out,no loud sobs or coughs from too much tears. Nothing.

It was once again silent in Yuto's world,and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. 

Was he happy? Happy he didn't have to hear such sad cries? Or sad? Sad cause now he couldn't be there for his other half? Was he mad? Mad they left him alone again? Maybe he was frustrated? Who knows?

No one could tell him cause he kept this a secret. After years of his parents worrying about him finding his soulmate he knew they'd be ecstatic once he told them he heard them,but he kept silent.

He didn't wanna say anything in case,he was still having doubts honestly. Could you blame him though? He'd gone so long in silence it was only natural to have doubts.

So since he hadn't told anyway he suffered and questioned in silence, not sure if he was relieved  he couldn't hear the sad sobs anymore or devastated that it was silent once more.

Every night it was like this,till one night Yuto was drying the dishes.

He was ready to go to sleep cause he was really busy tomorrow and he knew he'd be tired. He was drying the dishes and had just finished,when a loud cry almost bursted his eardrum.

If Yuto was still drying he would have dropped a plate on his foot,the cry was so loud and sharp it almost hurt.

Yuto stumbled back against the counter and groaned,the sound filling his ears and sounding so close he could swear they were beside him.

But of course they weren't. He was alone like always.

The cry was once again sad,heartbreakingly sad. They sounded so hurt,so down like they would never get back up.

What were they crying about? Why did they sound so sad? Yuto knew of soulmates crying but he didn't think they always sounded this sad,why was this person so sad? What did they have to be so upset about?

Once again, Yuto was frozen. He felt like he should do...do what? Something,anything. He didn't really know honestly this had never happened before. But he thought he should be doing something.

But like the others times he was frozen,his eyes wide while he listened to the person cry so hard they started to cough.

They coughed a lot and every cough shook Yuto to his core,making his ribs hurt just from the sound. He wanted to stumble to the couch but couldn't bring himself to move,his feet were stuck and his hands wouldn't let go of the counter.

He stood there for hours,he doesn't even remember how long it was.

Only when the cries finally settled it was getting light outside,and Yuto couldn't feel his hands anymore.

From then on Yuto developed bad insomnia, even worse then he already had. 

It wasn't that he couldn't sleep. Honestly sometimes he was so tired he found himself downing cup after cup of coffee just so he wouldn't pass out. 

The reason he couldn't sleep was cause every night the person cried,literally every night. Every night Yuto would hear their loud sobs and their coughs,sometimes groans and sometimes whimpers and whines.

Every night they cried and Yuto hated it. He hated hearing it. He wished he'd never heard his so called soulmate because all they did was cry. Cry,cry,cry. All night long.

And they cried for hours. It wasn't like they cried for an hour or two then fell asleep,no. They cried till morning,sometimes from midnight to 4 am. Sometimes earlier than midnight. Sometimes later than 4 am.

Every night they cried and they cried for hours and Yuto was sick of it. He hated it. He wasn't mad at them or anything but he hated hearing it,their cries were terrible.

He'd been around crying people. His mother had cried around him and his sister and he'd seen his nieces and nephews shed thousands of tears all for different reasons. And they all hurt to see and hear though he dealt with it.

But with this person? He couldn't bare it.

Yuto couldn't stand hearing this person cry. Their cries made Yuto feel like someone was squeezing his heart,his chest burned and his ribs always hurt whenever the person coughed from all their crying.

Yuto hated hearing this person cry and yet cry was all they did.

He never heard them crying from laughing so hard or crying in happiness cause someone bought them a present they wanted oh no. This person only cried in sadness,always sadness.

This person was always sad and Yuto hated it. Why were they so sad? What made them so upset with the world? Was someone hurting them?

Yuto hated hearing the cries yet every night he stayed up,he couldn't bare to sleep. He would have liked to sleep but the thought of leaving them alone in their heartache made him ache inside.

Technically they were alone anyway since he wasn't physically there with them. But the idea of leaving them alone completely,and not sitting up with them at least while they were so heartbroken, made Yuto hurt in ways he's never known.

So every night he sat up. Every night.

On the couch. Or in his bed. Sometimes in the kitchen. Every night he sat up with this person and listened to them cry. Every night he sat there and listened to their heartbreak,listened to their loud cries.

Every night he sat there and listened to them cry and cry and cry till their throat turned raw and they coughed. Every night he listened to their whimpers and whines,their sad sounds of pain as they wept continuously.

Every night Yuto sat with them,but he never cried. He didn't know if he could stop once he started so he kept quiet.

Now all this staying up took its toll on Yuto and Yuto now found the nights even longer than usual. So one night on his way home from work he stopped at the movie place near his house,hoping to rent something he's never seen that'll keep him awake.

He was tired yeah,but not as tired as he'd been other nights so he thought why not try a movie? He'd seen this place many times but never came here. Usually he rented from another store or just watched whatever was on tv at the time.

He browsed the whole store and found about 4 movies,comedy and action. Even a horror for if he really wanted to wake himself up.

"This one's good."

Yuto was so distracted with his watch,wondering what time his supposed other half would start tonight,he didn't notice someone was talking to him.

The person ringing him up was speaking,holding the horror one in his hand,their eyes watching him as if waiting for a reaction.

Yuto pulled himself back into the now enough to answer with a simple "ah yeah" as if he knew what he was talking about when in truth he'd never seen it.

The boy smiled,a small smile yes but it still lit up his eyes. He handed Yuto his card back and nodded,handing the bag of movies over the counter.

"Enjoy your movies." 

He waved with that smile still on his face and Yuto might have paid more mind but he was already nodding and walking out the door,checking his watch as he hurried home.

He started with the horror movie which the boy was right,it was good. Scary but not too scary and the story was great so bonus. 

He then watched one of the comedies and it was alright,not his favorite. It was kinda hard to focus honestly cause Yuto kept glancing at his watch every so often,waiting.

By the third movie Yuto wondered if they'd fallen asleep,he hoped they did. He didn't really wanna hear them cry tonight.

By the end of the third movie he decided to sleep. The night had been silent,not one single cry and he really needed the rest.

He climbed into bed and rolled over,thinking about everything he'd have to do tomorrow. He was just starting to get comfy when a loud,pained cry filled his ears.

In a flash Yuto was up,eyes focused and heart hammering in his chest. His ears filled with loud sad sobs and Yuto found himself leaning back agains the bed,his head resting on the headboard.

The person cried and cried and cried to hard they started coughing,making Yuto's ribs hurt from the sound. He kept a tight grip on his sheets,twisting and turning them in his fingers as he listened.

He noticed how at first they sounded softer,cries and slight whines that made his heart ache inside his chest. Then he noticed as it went on it became louder,full on sobs and whimpers that had Yuto's skin crawling in fear.

He couldn't stand it. The sound was terrible. It was honestly terrible,how could people handle hearing this? Is this what they all sounded like? Weren't any of them ever happy? Or was he the only one with someone sad?

They started to cough and he could practically feel their shoulders shaking,their whole shape shaking as they sobbed and whimpered uncontrollably.

Yuto felt powerless just sitting there listening to them. He couldn't stand it but what could he do? Find them? How? He doubt he'd be as lucky as his father. Besides, his mother had fallen from a tree and that's how his father had heard her. This person didn't sound like a fell from a tree. Thy just sounded sad. How was he supposed to find that?

The hours rolled by and Yuto sat frozen against the headboard,his eyes open as he stared into nothing. His ear filled with coughs and sobs and whimpers that made him feel so small.

When morning came Yuto's ribs and heart felt like someone kicked him repeatedly, but the person had finally fallen asleep it seemed so he ignored the pain inside of him and thanked god they were finally able to rest.

It went like this for what felt like years but wasn't,it just felt long to Yuto cause he hated it. Hated hearing whoever it was cry but what could he do? He couldn't find them,he wouldn't even know where to look.

So for awhile it went like this.

Yuto would work all day,sometimes he'd hear them crying. When that happened he'd excuse himself to the bathroom and sit in a stall,waiting and listening as they cried and cried so hard they coughed.

He'd then go to the movie store at night,looking for new movies to keep him awake long past his bedtime. He never heard any cries there. 

And then he went home,where he felt like he was sitting on a ticking time bomb. He'd usually watch the movies he got but sometimes he'd read or do chores or try to catch up on sleep.

Whatever it was he did it was always stopped at some point cause at some point in the night he'd hear loud,pained cries. Never happy,always sad.

Sad,pained cries with whimpers and whines and shoulder shaking sobs. They'd cry so hard they'd cough and then start again,it was a vicious cycle.

And Yuto couldn't avoid it cause it happened every night,literally every night. Literally very night this person cried,at all hours too. Sometimes they'd start at 10 and end at 3 in the morning. Sometimes it was midnight till 4. Sometimes it was 9:30 till 1 am. This person cried for hours and they cried every night. Literally every night.

Yuto tried to ignore it sometimes cause he hated hearing it but music did no good and headphones were useless and the movies could only distract him so much. So at some point whatever he was doing was put on hold as he just sat there,eyes pained and ears listening to his other half ball their eyes out.

He never cried though. He didn't know why but he just couldn't. Although sometimes,he wish he did. So that way they wouldn't be so alone.

On top of his soulmates constant crying at night, Yuto had started befriending the movie store boy. 

He found out his name was Kino and he loved movies,especially horror. He was 18,Yuto felt like a grandpa when he told him his age but Kino just laughed it off claiming he didn't look that old, lived alone and had a pet dog named JuJu.

They weren't super close or anything. You wouldnt find them hanging out outside of the store or anything but it was kinda nice having someone to talk to,even if it was a quick conversation.

So that was Yuto's life for awhile. Work,movie store where he talked with Kino, and then home where he'd listen for hours and hours to his other half cry. He never told his parents though he knew he should have but he was so afraid,afraid he was dying from a tumor or something. Afraid that the cries he'd been hearing for so long were a figment of his imagination and not the person he was meant to spend his life with. 

He couldn't help but be so disbelieving but,after so long in silence,he was too afraid to get his hopes up.

Night after night they cried and Yuto was always tired but he couldn't bare to let them suffer alone. He just couldn't.

And then one night on a Friday Yuto was watching a movie,munching on popcorn. He had his eyes on the screen but glanced at the clock every so often,albeit not as much as he used to. He'd learned by now that they'd start when they were ready.

By midnight though,Yuto felt a little jittery. He'd already watched 3 movies and it was silent,apart from the smashing of cars and screams of terror from the girl in the horror film,it was silent. But still he waited.

Then 2 came around and still nothing. He was antsy by now but thought nothing of it,they'd started later than this before. So this was nothing,right?

By 4 he was pacing,tv blaring on while he bit his nails down to the core. His eyes were worried and he wanted to call someone but who? His parents couldn't fix this. And the one person he wanted to call he didn't know their number. So he kept pacing,over and over till his feet hurt.

By the time morning was fully here Yuto was in full on panic mode. He hadn't heard one cry,not one. Not even a whimper or a sob. Nothing. It was silent again and Yuto was terrified. Why weren't they crying? I mean he didn't want them to cry but having them stop so suddenly felt scary. Did something happen to them?

Yuto's heart-rate went wild,his chest hurting with how hard his heart started beating. His palms started sweating in nerves and he felt nauseous. He ran to the sink in case he actually threw up but all he felt was a headache come on instead.

By 9,Yuto had called in sick. He couldn't go to work,he couldn't even focus. He was so afraid and he didn't know what to do or where to look. Should he check hospitals? Clinics? Doctor offices? Were they asleep maybe? Should he go knock on doors? Where should he start? Should he start near his apartment? Or on the other side of town like his father did? What should he do?

By 10 Yuto couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed his keys and decided he'd walk till something happened. He didn't know what would happen but he figured something would. Right?

He had his hand on the door,the knob turned and keys in hand,when the loudest scream he'd ever heard pierced his ears.

It was so loud and so pained he fell backwards,his head was splitting with a giant migraine and the palms of his hands burned. Literally burned like fire. His ribs started aching and his heart pulsed so hard he thought he was gonna faint.

The person screamed again and again so loud Yuto was so afraid something was happening but then it settled down,to a slow cry like now that they'd bursted Yuto's eardrums they were okay.

When it was finally calming down,they screamed again. Pain shooting through Yuto as he stood there,confused and frustrated and lost and hurt all at once.

Then it'd settle again,quiet cries and whines that made Yuto's knees shake violently. He didn't know why was happening but this was the worst they'd ever had,they'd never cried this bad before. Ever.

Before Yuto could think anymore about this the cries stopped,soft sobs could be heard and Yuto found those worse than the screams. They were so broken and small he wanted to tear the city apart till he found this person and held them in his arms till they're tears dried up and they're sadness went away.

The sobs soon stopped as well as the burning in his palms and the pain in his head and ribs. When it was over Yuto was in more pain then he'd ever felt in his life,but breathed a sigh of relief knowing that now they could rest.

After that started something new for Yuto,New and painful. Each time they cried,pain spiked through Yuto's body.

Sometimes his palms would burn like he'd touched the stove after cooking.

Sometimes his ribs felt sore like someone kicked him in the sides.

Sometimes his head felt like it was being slammed against the wall.

Sometimes his chest felt like someone was sitting on him.

And sometimes he felt all at once,which didn't happen often but it did happen.

It started slowly. Like it would happen on the nights they cried so long the sun came up or the nights where they screamed out in pain like they did before. But after awhile it grew to where every time they cried Yuto hurt,inside and out. It was driving him crazy.

He let it slide and never complained till one night when he went for dinner at his parents house and,of course,they asked about his soulmate. 

Yuto wanted to say yes! He'd finally heard them! Part of him was excited cause he was now sure they were his soulmate. They'd been crying for so long in his head now there was no other excuse other than they were his.

He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from shouting in excitement that yes! He'd finally found them! 

He kept silent though cause he didn't wanna get everyone all worked up so instead he shook his head and ignored the twitch in his mother's face.

The topic dropped for a bit and everyone ate and laughed and talked about whatever,Yuto mostly staying silent. 

He didn't think to bring it up till he heard soft whimpers in his head,small but pained cries that set him on alert. He kept quiet and didn't freak out,his poker face was quite good you know. 

So nobody could tell that while his sister was telling them all about her doctor appointment and how the baby was healthy, Yuto was sitting there in pain listening to his soulmate cry their heart out.

He was gonna keep quiet but he couldn't hold his tongue.

"When your soulmate cried...did you ever feel pain?"

All eyes turned to him,confusion and questions in their eyes. Yuto hurried for a cover up.

"My...friend. He recently found his soulmate and he said...whenever they cry...he hurts."

Yuto swallowed the urge to look away,knowing if he did they'd know. His father laughed and nodded.

"Of course it's normal to hurt. Who wouldn't hurt? I felt so bad when I heard your mother I cried and-

"I meant physically."

A look of confusion crossed everyone's eyes,the misunderstanding clear in everyone's faces. The cries in his ears echoed louder,wanting to be heard above everything else in the room. Yuto's palms started to blister a little but he kept the pained gasp inside.

"He said his hands burn sometimes and his ribs ache and his chest hurts a lot. Whenever they cry...he feels pain everywhere. Is that...normal?"

At first everyone looks confused,his sister looks very lost and his brothers keep shrugging to each other like he's speaking another language.

It's his mother who finally smiles,breaking the silence with a happy laugh.

"Fate."

Yuto must have looked confused cause she smiled and explained.

"My sister was like that. When she heard her soulmate she said her arms and legs felt like they were on fire, she could barely walk sometimes. Those are very special soulmates."

Yuto still didn't understand.

"Special? Aren't all soulmates special though?"

His mother laughed again and shook her head.

"Of course. But those soulmates,the ones who cause psychical pain,are very special. It's said those are fated souls,ones who're supposed to be together even after they pass on. Your friend is very very lucky. Those soulmates don't come around very often!"

She smiles so wide as if someone just told her the best news. She laughed and his father nodded,clearly agreeing with his mother even if he didn't know it was the truth. His brothers went on to say how lucky, "I've never met anyone who was fated!"

His sister thought it was romantic and sweet and his mother just kept smiling,her happy eyes telling Yuto how happy she was for his 'friend'.

She tried asking him questions about this friend but his father told her not to pester the boy,which made her laugh and nod cause he was right let's eat instead.

Everyone continued eating,laughing and smiling and talking. Soon the topic was forgotten and they started talking about the new movies that were coming out that they all wanted to see,it was as if Yuto hadn't even asked a question in the first place. 

They'd all forgotten by now. But Yuto didn't. 

He kept silent. His appetite was gone now so he just sat there in silence,his eyes on his blistering hands while his 'fated' soulmate was crying so hard he felt his eardrums pop.

When he got home that night he started thinking about what his mother said,how fated soulmates worked. The idea hurt his head and made him mad at the same time. 

Fated soulmates? Meant to be even after they died? Sure but what good does that do if you can't find them while you're alive? What good does that do?

It was as if his other half heard his thoughts. They hadn't really stopped crying all night, but once Yuto started thinking about fated souls their cries got louder. 

Yuto just laid back and listened,his eyes wide but still dry.

Time went on and Yuto was growing upset, upset with himself and upset with the world. Never with his other half though,he couldn't bear to be mad at them.

But with himself? He threw his anger at himself the worst. Why couldn't he find them? Where could they be? Since hearing them Yuto had traveled to places in Korea he'd never been before, cities he'd never heard of and towns he'd never seen on maps.

Were they not in Korea? Should he try somewhere else? Where? Where on the globe could they be? How long would it take to find them? Would he ever find them? He started wondering if he ever would and it scared him more than he could say.

His anger wasn't just pointed towards the fact he couldn't find them,that was the main source yes but there was another reason.

Yuto isn't sure when it started or how it even happened,but somewhere along the way Yuto noticed Kino's eyes.

I mean yes,he'd seen them before. It wasn't like he avoided eye contact with the boy,he was always polite when speaking to the younger on his movie runs. But somewhere along the way,he finally noticed them.

They were such a soft brown Yuto felt warm inside when he saw them,especially under the bright lights in the store. They seemed to shine so bright Yuto found himself dizzy sometimes when he looked in them.

But see,the problem was it wasn't just his eyes he noticed.

He noticed how bright his smile was,perfect teeth making a perfect smile that had Yuto making more trips then he needed to to the store.

He noticed how soft his smile was too,how it lit up the room and made Yuto wanna hold him away from the cruel world. 

He noticed how loud his laugh was,even if he was kinda quiet and kept to himself Kino's laugh could explode a room and fill it with laughter. It was bubbly and bright and yes,Yuto would be lying if he said he didn't come up with stupid things to say just so he could hear it.

He started noticing these things and it made the movie store visits all the more fun. But then he'd hate himself when remembering why he came here in the first place. Somewhere in the world his other half was suffering, and here he was getting soft over some boy? Yuto wanted to punch himself when he thought of how heartless he was being.

But he couldn't help it. Kino was making him soft and,while part of him hated it, another part enjoyed it. 

He loved going to the store now,loved seeing Kino's smile and hear his loud laugh. Kino was making him act odd,so odd there were times Yuto was sure he was imagining things.

Of course It was just his imagination that upon entering the store,Kino's smile got wider and even brighter than it was when talking to the last customer.

Of course it was just his imagination that, on the days Kino looked down, having Yuto walk in made the boy perk up with a fresh smile and wide glittering eyes.

Of course it was just his imagination that Kino was taking notes on what he liked and what he didn't so that slowly,but surely, the pile of movies he'd pick for the older got bigger.

Of course it was only his imagination when he heard Kino's sneakers squeak against the floor in the back as he hurried to the counter when it was Yuto's time to arrive. 

It was only his imagination that Kino blushed a bit when Yuto brought him a bag of candy that Kino said he'd been wanting but couldn't afford. 

It was only his imagination that Kino looked a cross between angry and upset when some girl had asked if Yuto was single.

It was only his imagination that all these things happened and it was only his imagination when the idea to ask Kino on a date flew across his mind. Only his imagination,not something that was real.

Yuto would never ask Kino on a date. Kino wasn't his soulmate. His other half was still out there,waiting miserably for Yuto to show up so they could be together. Kino wasn't his so of course he wouldn't ask Kino out. It was only a fleeting thought.

One that stayed longer then it should have,but a fleeting thought none the less.

Now whenever his other half cried he felt guilty. He hadn't cheated on them, he would never cheat on them. But whenever they cried he felt so torn up,even more hen he used to. And he couldn't figure out if it was cause they were suffering,or cause even though he stayed up with them his mind wondered to a certain boy more times then he wanted to admit.

One night,Kino was closing up shop and Yuto was running late. Upon entering the store his imagination started running wild again. Kino's head didn't pop up that fast and his smile was always that big,or so Yuto told himself.

"Hyung! I was wondering where you were."

Kino always sounded this cheery,and Yuto's stomach had been doing flips all day. Yeah, this was totally normal. All in his head.

Yuto smiled and apologized,saying how work was late "you know how it is on Friday's right?"

Kino laughed and nodded,watching as the older strode to the counter. He didn't need to ask if he'd picked out anything for him already, he knew he did. 

Though, when he asked anyway, It was only his imagination that Kino practically bounced on his feet with eager eyes. A faint red dust lingered on his cheeks that Yuto doesn't remember seeing when he walked in.

"You already know I do Hyung. Why bother asking?" His big smile  said he didn't mind though. Yuto's heart always jumped around like this thank you very much. This was normal for him. It was only his imagination that it was getting worse around the younger,only his imagination.

Kino rang up the movies while Yuto waited,telling the younger he'd walk him home when he was done. Which was new territory for both of them. Yuto never walked him home before,never needed to cause he was never this late.

The red dust on Kino's cheeks got brighter but it was all in Yuto's head,he was only imagining it.  
It was pretty on him but it was only a mirage. It had to be.

"You don't have to Hyung. I don't live far." 

The soft shyness in his voice made Yuto melt,his chest ached with something he doesn't ever remembering feeling before. He wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

He assured the younger that he didn't mind and he wanted to,he didn't want him walking around so late at night. The lip bite was definitely in his head. Kino never bit his lip so yep,it was only in his mind.

Kino locked up and they started walking, the cold air hugging them like a blanket. Yuto doesn't remember it being this cold in a long time. Their breaths hung in the air as they walk with slow paces,neither boy in a hurry to part.

"How come you stayed open so late anyway? Don't you normally close at 10?"

It was a simple question but the ferocious red Kino's cheeks turned made it seem anything but. Yuto was sure it was the cold,yes definitely the cold. Nothing more,just the cold.

"I knew you'd show up Hyung. Didn't want you to go without your movies."

His voice was so soft Yuto would have missed the words,if he wasn't staring right at him. Something in his chest burned but he blamed it on his lunch. It was just indigestion, not the urge to lean over and kiss the soft boy.

They walked in silence. Yuto staring straight ahead with the straightest face he could muster while Kino kept biting his lip to stop the stupid smile he always felt around the older from appearing.

All too soon,in both boys minds, Kino turned to Yuto and said this was his stop. Yuto imagined the frown on Kino's face, the slump of his shoulders. Yep,imagined it.

Kino thanked him,his smile a little down but as soft as always. Or maybe it was a trick of the night. Who knows.

Yuto nodded,his heart racing in his chest but his mouth opening despite the warnings in his head. "So listen, you know how this Monday is a holiday?"

Kino nodded,a spark glittering in his eyes that had Yuto a little breathless. But he blamed it on the cold,Yeah it was definitely the cold.

"Well I was wondering if-

"If what?"

It was late and cold and Yuto needed to go home. He was definitely imagining the eager look in Kino's eyes,the way he moved a little closer. The way he bit his lip and stared up at Yuto with his cheeks all red and warm looking. Yuto really needed to go home. The cold was messing with him.

The words were on his tongue,he was this close to asking the soft boy in front of him on a date. He was so close but so far as well. In that second all he could think of was his other half,his soulmate. His supposedly fated soul who was meant to be with him even after they parted in life.

He'd never seen them before but suddenly he felt super guilty,as if they'd caught him cheating. They hadn't,he'd never even met them. But boy,did he feel terrible right now.

Yuto swallowed the question down,his chest aching but choosing to ignore it. He already had a soulmate,he shouldn't even be here.

Instead Yuto shifted awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

"If... the store would be closed."

He hated the stupid question but he couldn't bring himself to ask Kino out,it wasn't right.

His imagination ran wild again. Kino's shoulders didn't slump, the smile didn't disappear only for an upset frown to appear. Yuto was only imagining the disappointed look in the youngers eyes. Yeah,only imagining it.

"Oh."

Yuto needed to leave. It was cold and he couldn't feel his toes anymore. Kino's defeated sounding oh wasn't that upset. Kino always sounded that sad,that torn. He wasn't that let down.

Yuto needed to go home. This weather was messing with him.

The sad look was clear as day but Kino covered it with a smile that wasn't as big before but still as soft as ever. His eyes still shone but not as excitedly as before.

"No,it'll be closed. I would open it but I have to visit some family."

Yuto asks who,not wanting to be nosy just curious. 

"Just an aunt. I don't see her often and I promised her I would pay her a visit so. Now seems a good time."

Yuto nods. He wracks his brain to come up with a reason to keep the younger by his side longer but that guilty feeling bubbles up again. He needs to go home. His other half needs him and,though the soft boy beside him looks so warm and inviting, Kino wasn't his.

He tells Kino to get inside,warm up and sleep well. The slumpy shoulders was only in his head,the small disappointed nod only a figure of his imagination. 

Kino turns and goes in,Yuto watching to make sure he gets in safely. Kino turns and waves by,his smile as bright as it always is and the thump in Yuto's chest is so painful he groans internally.

He walks home with a heavy heart,the urge to run back and ask Kino on a date so hard to resist. He comes close to doing it too.

But the sudden loud cry in his ears stops him. His other half. His soulmate cries and cries and cried,almost as if they knew he was thinking of someone else. 

Their shoulders shook and they whined loudly. And the loud whimper they made was enough for Yuto to head straight home,hands in his pockets while he listened.

When Monday came around Yuto found himself thinking of Kino again. He found himself walking by the store even though he'd knew it'd be closed. He found himself hearing Kino's laugh in his head,seeing his smile and those eyes he loved.

He thought about Kino a lot. As if they knew this ,his soulmate also cried a lot. More than they normally did and much more violently too. Yuto felt helpless and guilty so he stayed in bed all day,eyes wide as he listened to their sorrows.

A week passed. Then two. And Yuto tried not to go to the movie place as much. He still went,just not as often. He couldn't. His other half's crying made him feel guilty and Kino made him feel warm and he didn't know what to do or where to turn.

Soulmates were supposed to be together and Kino wasn't his. What else could he do but be confused?

On a Thursday he went to the store. It was pretty empty but there was a customer or two. Once more his imagination went crazy. Kino did not just toss the book he was reading away,he didn't turn all his attention on Yuto as he walked in. It was all in his head,right?

Kino smiled over at him and Yuto felt his knees shake,his throat turn dry and his heart start hammering in his chest. Yeah, this was normal. He always felt like this. It was normal.

Yuto picked some movies,along with Kino's choices. Kino rang him up and it was normal for Kino to blush when Yuto said he'd walk him home again. It happened a lot ,yeah it was normal.

Kino locked up when everyone left and smiled widely up at Yuto,his cheeks all red even though tonight was a little warmer then most nights. Yuto smiled back and they began their walk,both silent but it was a comfortable silence.

Yuto asked how everything was and Kino said great. Kino asked how work was and Yuto said great. Kino laughed and Yuto's chest burned and yeah, this was fine. Normal and fine.

When they arrived at Kino's place, Yuto knew he needed to leave. Kino made the air feel electrifying and he couldn't stand static. He said his goodbye but before he could make a move to leave Kino slammed his brain against the pavement with a softly spoken

"Do you wanna come in and watch a movie?"

It wasn't even a hard question but Yuto felt like it was,his chest ached and he knew he needed to get home. Home was safe and Kino was making it very hard to breathe. He needed to get home.

So why did he agree? Why did he say yes so easily? Why did Kino's eyes sparkle when he said sure? Why was his imagination on hyperdrive lately? What was happening?

Kino led him up the stairs to the 3rd floor, his door a bright blue that made Yuto's head hurt. Or maybe it was just the guilt. Yeah that was probably it.

Kino practically bounced on his toes as Yuto walked inside,his eyes shiny and anxious while watching Yuto enter. Yuto needed to leave but Kino made the air feel so warm and he wasn't ready to be cold yet.

Yuto watched Kino flit to the kitchen,not before kicking off his shoes. The movement was small and perfectly normal, but Yuto felt a wave of affection as the younger kicked his sneakers off. His face looking concentrated,his eyes shining when he glanced up at the older and smiled.

He flit to the kitchen and Yuto followed,leaning against the wall wordlessly. He watched the young boy practically dance around the kitchen with his fluid movements, pulling some things to drink out of the fridge. He went to a cupboard and reached for a glass,his toes stretching so he could grab it. Another wave of affection hit Yuto and man, Yuto really needed to leave. 

With the glasses now in hand Kino turned,his cheeks red and warm looking and his eyes bright. 

"You can go in the living room and pick what you want. I'll meet you in there."

Yuto wanted to say he was happy where he was,watching the soft boy move around his kitchen was entertainment enough. He didn't even need a movie honestly. He wanted to say he was fine where he was but he found himself following orders,making his way to the living room where he flipped on the tv and searched for something to watch.

He remembered Kino loved horror movies so that's what he looked for. He found one that seemed decent and let it play. He sat on the couch and looked around,his hands fidgeting nervously. He really should leave,he should get up and walk out before anything happened. His soulmate would need him tonight and where was he? At some boys place to watch a movie. The thought made him sick to his stomach with guilt.

But he couldn't bring himself to leave. He couldn't find the energy to get up and walk out,the door wasn't even far. He just couldn't find himself wanting to leave,he was happy right here. 

He tried to focus on the movie but his mind wondered,staring around the room as he took in details. The messy desk was filled with books,some novels but some looked like textbooks. His movie collection was pretty big,the cabinet where they were open so Yuto could see how many he had. 

A shelf with pictures caught his eye. He stood and walked over,smiling when he saw they were all pictures of Kino with his little sister. Yuto remembered her. Kino mentioned her a lot.

In one of the pics Kino was wearing a bunny suit,well not a suit but like a onesie. He also had bunny ears on and you could tell by his flustered look he was embarrassed in the outfit. Yuto thought he looked cute though.

Suddenly Kino was beside him, smiling nervously.

"My sister bought it as a present for me. I couldn't say no when she wanted a picture. I know,I look weird." Kino shrugged as if to say oh well,his eyes shining in embarrassment.

Yuto shook his head and smiled.

"I think it suits you. You make a pretty cute bunny."

There went his imagination again. Kino didn't blush that bright and he certainly didn't look away cause he was nervous. The soft smile was always that soft. 

Yuto needed to leave.

But when Kino walked over to plop on the couch he found himself following,his feet seeming to have a mind of their own. 

Kino offered him what looked like everything he had in his fridge. Drinks,snacks,cakes. It looked like Kino had raided it all and Yuto almost drowned in the wave of affection he felt for the younger boy.

He laughed and yeah,it was definitely time for him to leave. Kino didn't perk up at the sound,nor did his eyes shimmer when Yuto bumped against him in a joking way.

Kino kept offering stuff but Yuto settles on a bottle of water,his stomach twisting with such ferociousness he knew he wouldn't be able to keep anything down. Soon Kino just gave up and leaned back against the couch,his eyes on the screen.

It seemed fine and dandy for about 10 minutes. But soon Yuto's mind was spiraling out of control with the thoughts he was having.

Was his mind playing tricks on him or did Kino scoot closer?

Was it just his imagination or was he purposely letting his hand sit on the sofa,as if waiting for something?

Was it only in his head when Kino understood and linked their pinkies together? 

Was it only in his head that the red in Kino's cheeks were brighter than he'd ever seen them?

Did his stomach always hurt this bad? Did his heart always pound this hard? Was he always this nervous and excited at the same time?

It was only his imagination right?

He wasn't leaning against the younger, right?

He wasn't secretly stealing glances at the younger,imaging himself leaning over to kiss him. Was he? 

Kino didn't steal glances back,right?

Their eyes didn't actually meet,did they? It was all in his head.

It was all in his head. Till suddenly,it wasn't.

Only in his dreams did he imagine Kino would slide over and plop in his lap. Those eyes as bright as always with an unsure but excited look in them. He'd only dreamed of Kino looking at him like that, of Kino biting his lip as he looked at the older.

It was a dream. All in his head. He could do what he wanted in a dream right? It was only his imagination wasn't it? He wasn't sure.

Yuto was lost and felt helpless but Kino was so warm in his lap,his eyes staring at him like he had all the answers and was waiting for Yuto to share them. He looked as nervous as Yuto felt and he only imagined Kino's lips opening to whisper a soft shaky "Hyung" that left him even more lost.

Yuto still wasn't sure but he wanted more warmth. And Kino was always warm.

Yuto made the first move. Leaning forward he pressed his lips to Kino's,his mouth feeling warm as soon as their lips touched. Yuto felt something tingle inside and it spread through this whole body.

Kino must have felt it too cause he jolted a bit,an almost pained look crossing his face. Then it passed and Kino exhaled so softly into Yuto's mouth,a chill ran up the olders spine.

Kino leaned into Yuto as he kissed back,his mouth even warmer against Yuto now that he was moving his lips. His hands held Yuto's face, his eyes fluttering closed. 

Yuto realized how right Kino's hands felt on his skin,how easily he fit against him. He wrapped his arms around the youngers waist, and it was only his imagination that Kino sighed in bliss when he did so. 

They started slow,soft and easy. Testing the waters if you will,neither wanting to push too far yet both wanting to. Then it grew. Yuto pulled Kino so tight against him there was no space between the two,he could feel Kino's heart thudding in his chest and knew Kino could feel the same.

Kino's kisses became harder,his arms wrapping around the older. A shiver went down Yuto's back when Kino opened his mouth wider,the heat so welcoming to Yuto who felt so cold.

Yuto teased his tongue first and now it was Kino's turn to shiver,a small whimper that felt slightly familiar but Yuto couldn't place it so he shoved it aside. 

It started small but it grew bigger. Yuto sorta started it but Kino didn't hesitate to add on.

Their kisses became hungrier,the warmth in Kino's mouth addictive and Yuto wanted so much more. His hands got jittery,he couldn't help slipping his hands up the back of Kino's shirt. When he did though,Kino made a groan that made Yuto pull back in fear that he'd hurt him or moved too fast.

Yuto started to apologize but Kino shook his head,leaning closer as he moved Yuto's hands back up his shirt.

"Please touch me Hyung. I want you to touch me."

Yuto's brain short circuited at those words,at his breathless soft tone that seemed like he was saying a secret. A twisting in his stomach made him groan to himself, the tone sounding as soft as feathers to his ears.Yuto once more followed orders and he found Kino wasn't in pain, he loved skinship.

All Yuto had to do was run his hands gently up the boys back and Kino was sighing in pure bliss into Yuto's mouth, the soft sound vibrating through Yuto. Kino whimpered in his mouth when he added more pressure,his skin so soft Yuto wanted to touch it forever.

He teased his tongue over the youngers,the soft little moans he made turning Yuto into a puddle at his feet. He felt affection like he's never felt,his whole body buzzing with just the thought of the younger in his arms.

By now their kisses were hungry,starving even. And Yuto's mind was still imagining things.

He only imagined the younger sucking on his tongue,the feeling making him slightly lightheaded and grateful he was sitting down.

He only imagined himself kissing down Kino's chin,down his throat. Down to his neck.

He imagined the loud whimper that felt oddly familiar, but still couldn't place it, as the younger leaned his head back.

He imagined the way Kino clung to him and the way his eyes fluttered blissfully and the way the younger moaned his name so quietly in his ear when he did something he liked.

He imagined too much and he needed to leave,now. He needed to get out before he went further and did things he shouldn't do. Not with Kino at least.

So why did he find himself turning the tables? Flipping Kino on his back so he could tower over him on the couch? Reattaching their lips for more? Why didn't he argue when Kino locked his legs around him? Or protest when Kino whined for more kisses? 

Yuto knew he should stop it. His soulmate flew into his mind,wondering why they hadn't started crying yet. He thought of them and felt so guilty,so so guilty. So guilty he even pulled away,sitting up and leaning against the couch while trying to catch his breath.

He started thinking of a way to leave,he didn't just wanna run out. Not after this. But he knew he had to leave. He had to. Right?

Kino squirmed,chest heaving and eyes all dazy. His shirt was riding up and Yuto swallowed at the sight,his heart pounding so hard he felt like fainting.

Kino asked why he stopped and the tone of his voice made Yuto groan, he sounded needy and lord knows Yuto was too. He needed to leave,he shouldn't be here anymore. He needed to leave,now.

So what was stopping him? Why was he doing this? Why wasn't he leaving? Why was he frozen?

Kino sat up and looked down, the needy side gone being replaced with a nervous look on his face. He looked like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar,guilty. Yuto didn't know why,he didn't do anything wrong. But he sure looked like he did.

Kino stammered an apology,a slight stutter coming out that had Yuto falling even more. The soft boy looked like he was gonna cry but held it in,mumbling something to himself about how he shouldn't have done that.

He looked so guilty and Yuto was getting cold again. He needed to leave but he was shivering and he wanted something warm and soft and Kino. 

Kino got up,to go where he didn't know. But Yuto didn't give him the chance. He stood as well and blocked the youngers path,towering over him. Kino stared up at him with nervous eyes but with a touch of something else. Excitement maybe.

Before the younger could speak Yuto reattached their lips,his mind numbing at the sound of Kino's sigh. He picked the boy up,ready to head back to the couch,but Kino stopped him with a shake of his head. He let himself drop to the floor and tugged on Yuto's shirt,pulling him to another room. He didn't need to see it to guess what it was.

Yuto needed to leave but why wasn't he fighting? Why didn't he protest against anything?

Why did he let Kino push him back on the bed and straddle him?

Why did he let himself take Kino's shirt off?

Why was he letting himself do the things he was doing? He needed to leave damnit!

Kino's tongue touched his and he shivered,the loud moan the younger let out making him dizzy and weak in the knees. Kino sighed blissfully once more ,and all bets were off. 

Yuto wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

When morning came,Yuto woke to Kino snoring softly in his arms. 

For a couple minutes Yuto was in total bliss. He stared at the younger boy with fond eyes. His fingers, which were entwined in the youngers hair, started moving slightly to massage his scalp. Kino snored and Yuto smiled,his heart tugging in ways he's never felt before.

As he stared at the younger he remembered everything that happened last night,all the things they did. Part of him felt embarrassed cause he never moved that fast. He was a gentleman, he knew to go easy and take things slow. He was never one to rush and he didn't believe in one night stands. That part was ashamed of how he'd acted.

Another part of him didn't care. He'd liked Kino for awhile now, he wasn't even sure you could use such a small word to describe his feelings for him. They felt bigger than that. The other part of him didn't care that he'd moved so fast,the younger seemed fine with it. It was only his imagination that Kino acted the way he did around the older but maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was more. It was possible right?

Yuto thought about these things,smiling down at the younger. Kino pouted against his chest,as if hearing all of Yuto's thoughts. Yuto smiled and used his other hand,which was around Kino's waist, to rub his back. The younger smiled in his sleep,the sight making Yuto swoon over him.

It was blissful,till a terrifying thought filled his head. 

His soulmate! He didn't hear them cry all night,was it cause he fell asleep? Were they alone? Did he miss their cries? Oh god,they were all alone. The idea makes Yuto's whole being hurt,it makes a bad taste in his mouth and he hates himself.

He hates himself cause he needs to leave,and he can't stand to do it. He's happy where he is,Kino wrapped in his arms as he sleeps. He knows he needs to leave but he can't bear to leave him,he wants to stay right here with the younger boy. But his soulmate,his soulmate needs him. True they aren't crying anymore,but he knows they needed him. And the idea is making him sick to his stomach.

Guilt washed over Yuto as he disentangles the younger from him. Guilt for his soulmate? Or for leaving Kino? Yuto isn't sure which but both options terrify him in more ways than one.

Yuto is up and just getting dressed when a sleepy voice flits into his ear.

"Will you be late for work Hyung?"

He knows it's Kino but he jumps anyway,startled. He turns,against his better judgement, and the sight is one he wouldn't mind waking up to everyday of his life.

The sheets are wrapped around Kino's body,only his torso showing. His hairs all messy but soft looking and his smile is just as bright as always despite waking mere seconds ago. There's proof of his tired self in his eyes. They're sorta dazy and hooded like he wouldn't mind the extra sleep but would rather talk with Yuto than sleep.

The sight makes Yuto melt inside and he has to fight himself from saying he doesn't have work he just needs to leave. What he really wants is to jump back in bed with the younger and hold him. But he's too afraid to,he knows he'll never leave if he gets back in that bed.

Yuto swallows and nods,scratching the back of his head as he fumbled to find his shirt.

"Uh yeah. Yeah I have to go. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I understand."

Kino smiles wider and Yuto looks away,still searching for his shirt. Which he does need but honestly, Yuto just needed a reason to look away from those eyes. They were calling him in fast and he needed to leave. He should have left last night.

Kino pulls him from his worries when he leans over the bed,grabbing Yuto's shirt from the floor. Yuto moves to grab it but he's slow this morning and Kino seems fine. He slides over to Yuto, and motions for Yuto to lift his arms.

He does quickly,needing a distraction from Kino's nude body which is on full show. Kino slips the shirt over his head and smiled widely when he's done,smoothing creases out as he stared at the older.

"Have a good day Hyung. I'll see you later."

Kino's eyes glitter happily and the scene seems so comforting to Yuto. He can imagine going to work like this everyday. Kino shipping him off with smiles and glittering eyes, he has to stop himself before dredging into more dangerous territory.

Before Yuto can respond Kino leans up and kisses him. A soft kiss,just a small peck really. But Yuto's knees still shook and god,did he want more. He dared to imagine Kino kissing him as he left everyday and halted before he dared to think further.

Yuto swallowed nervously and mustered up a smile,Kino returning it much brighter. Yuto told him to go back to sleep and Kino nodded,falling back and settling into the sheets with a small yawn.

Yuto really needed to leave.

He said bye once more and left,grabbing his shoes and jacket with shaky hands. Without another look back at the apartment he left,practically running down the stairs once the door closed to put as much distance between himself and Kino.

He practically ran home,racing down the streets like the devil was behind him. People looked at him crazily but he couldn't stop,his lungs were burning but he pushed himself harder. Needing to feel pain for the awful thing he'd done.

How could he have done that? He cheated. On his soulmate. His soulmate. How could he have done such a terrible thing? What was wrong with him? He'd been lonely his whole life,always wondering where his other half was while everyone had already found theirs. And now he found his and what did he do? He cheated on them. On his actual soulmate.

Yuto sprinted home and slammed the door behind himself, locking the doors with shaky hands and a shaky breath. He almost prayed his other half would cry just so he could be there for them,just so he wouldn't feel so terrible. He left them alone all night. Who knows how long they cried for?

Yuto stayed in all day,waiting to hear a whimper or a sob. But no sound came. And Yuto hated himself even more as the hours dredged on.

The next day was the same. Yuto wanted for a sound. A sob,a whimper. A shake of the shoulders or a scream that echoed with pain. Yuto waited for a sound just so he'd know they were there,they were there and needed him. But the day was silent,as well as the night.

The next day was just as silent and Yuto couldn't bare it. He was afraid but who could he turn to? He didn't wanna tell his parents and Kino? He couldn't tell Kino he had a soulmate,it would kill him to say such words. He couldn't dare to say it. He just couldn't.

By the next day,Yuto was tired. Tired,sad,miserable. He couldn't sleep and he hadn't heard his other half for 3 days and,the worst reason of it all, he missed Kino. He knew he shouldn't. He shouldn't even be thinking about the boy. He had a soulmate,he shouldn't even be thinking of Kino.  But he was and he missed him,in so many ways it hurt.

He hadn't spoken to him since they'd slept together,since Yuto left his soulmate alone to fend for themselves. He wanted to go see the boy but he couldn't. His soulmate was eerily silent and it was hurting him. He couldn't go see Kino in a time like this,no matter how badly he wanted to.

That night Yuto was pacing the floor, his nerves out of whack as he prayed so hard his soulmate would cry. He didn't want them to but he needed them to,needed to know they were okay. 

Hours passed,but no sounds  came. All that happened was Yuto got a migraine. 

After hours of pacing and worrying and praying for their cries,Yuto laid down hoping his head would stop aching. He was tired but he didn't wanna sleep,he might miss them if he did. So he stayed awake,staring at the clock. 

At 4 am a loud cry rang through his ears,so loud he clamped his hands over them to stop the sharp ringing in his head. It did no good,they cried even louder as if knowing Yuto did that. 

Yuto was so happy they made noise,they were okay and alive and yes they were in pain but Yuto was here for them. Not literally but he was there. 

They cried and cried and cried so loud and so long Yuto felt miserable. His heart ached and his palms burned and his ribs felt like someone had beaten him black and blue. He wondered if he looked in the mirror if he would see bruises on his skin. He didn't dare check though,he was frozen as he always was when they cried. He sat there and listened,listened to their sorrows wishing he was with them to take the pain away.

They cried all night. All night and well into the day. By noon Yuto's eyes were burning from no sleep, and no amount of coffee made him feel better. He lost count after 4 of how many cups he drank and he was still tired. But they were still crying,so he couldn't bare to sleep.

When night came around they were still at it,much softer now. Much quieter then the daytime crying. Yuto found these cries all the more painful to him. Their sobs were so soft he had to strain to hear them,their whispers so small he almost couldn't hear their breathing. Their soft cries were worse then their loud cries, they made Yuto's sides hurt like he had been hit by a bus. 

Their soft cries were worse,but Yuto still couldn't leave them. 

By nighttime,Yuto was exhausted. Dead where he sat,and yet they still cried. Soft cries still,but cries none the less. 

Somewhere around 4 in the morning their cries soft. A small hiccup and a sigh,and the cries halted. Yuto could almost hear snores but knew they were imaginary. After 10 minutes he was sure they had fallen asleep. And only then,did Yuto rest.

This went on for two more days. Two more long,cry filled days. And on the third day Yuto made a decision. One he knew would haunt him forever,but one that needed to be made.

He walked as slowly as he could, listening to the soft sobs of his soulmate along the way. He ignored the pain in his sides as he took his time to get to his destination. He'd be there soon and he didn't wanna do what needed to be done but he knew he would,he had to.

The bell rang over the door,the cries stopping in his head in a flash. They were still there though,Yuto knew they would start up soon. He knew they would.

It was slow today. Only one other customer. 

The sound of sneakers against the floor made Yuto turn his head toward the counter. His imagination went wild once more as soon as he saw him. Kino's eyes were like fireflies,so bright and out there. Yuto was imaging it. He must be.

Kino opened his mouth to speak but the other customer walked up to the counter,purchase in hand. Kino motioned for Yuto to wait,turning to ring the person up. When they left Kino turned to Yuto with the biggest smile in the world, Yuto's heart felt like mush as he stared his way.

" I was wondering where you were. You must have been pretty busy."

Yuto couldn't speak,only nodded. His tongue was tied with pain and pleasure as he stared at the younger,his heart hammering in his chest as he stared at his face.

Kino nodded and leaned against the counter,watching the older.

"I'm closing early today. Do you wanna get something to eat? My treat."

Kino's smile was like sunshine and Yuto wanted to jump in the warmth. His eyes were shining and Yuto was sure of it now. It wasn't his imagination,none of it was. It was all real. And Yuto hated to hurt this precious dream,but dreams can't last forever. And he needed this done.

As much as he wanted to eat with Kino, he couldn't. This would kill him inside,for the rest of his life. But it needed to be done. 

He took a deep breath that shook, shaking his head.

"I can't."

Kino frowned but shook it off. 

"No worries. How about just coffee then? I'll buy-

"I can't...get coffee either."

Kino looked sorta confused but shook it off once more.

"Okay then. How about we take a walk? It's nice outside and I-

"I can't see you anymore Kino."

There it goes. Yuto's heart started to chip,he felt like crying but didn't dare. He never cried when his soulmate did,why should he cry now? That wasn't fair.

But he wanted to. So much.

Kino's eyes looked hurt for a split second but then he smiled,a laugh coming out that made Yuto's stomach drop.

"Very funny Hyung. That's a terrible joke honestly. Why would you say such a thing?"

Yuto swallowed his heart down,wanting to walk closer to the boy but not able to move for fear he'd shatter.

"I'm not joking Kino. I can't...see you anymore."

The light in Kino's eyes faded,his smile dropping and crashing onto the floor. Yuto flinched even though no loud sound was made. Didn't matter though. Kino's frown could be heard in empty classrooms,loud enough to make an echo. His frown was as loud as his smile,if not more so.

He swallowed slowly,his eyes lowering before rising once more and pinning themselves to Yuto.

"What do you mean? Why not?"

Yuto wanted to run away but couldn't. That was too cowardly. He wouldn't do that to Kino,he couldn't.

"I just can't-

"Is it cause we slept together?"

Yuto didn't mean to. He really didn't. He flinched anyway,remembering how he left his other half alone. 

Kino took it the wrong way though. His eyes faded even more,his frown turning the volume up till Yuto's ears started to hurt.

"That's it, isn't it. You only wanted sex and now that you got it you don't want anything to do with me right?"

Yuto snapped his head up and shook his head wildly,his eyes begging Kino to understand.

"No! No it's not like that at all Kino. I swear. I just can't-

"Why not? Do you not like me,is that it? Am I not good enough?"

At this point Kino had walked over to Yuto and now stood in front of him,his smaller form look even smaller with the frown on his face. Yuto wanted to slap himself but stood his ground.

"No thats not why-

"Then what is it?"

"It's nothing. I just can't see-

"There has to be a reason."

"I just can't-

"But Why not-

"I have a soulmate!"

Yuto wanted the ground to swallow him up right then and there. He didn't wanna say it,he tried so hard not to. He didn't want Kino to know this. He was fine with walking away from this having Kino think he was a jerk,but he didn't want him to know he had a soulmate. 

Kino always told him he was soulmate less and Yuto always said the same. For some reason, telling Kino he had found his felt worse then letting him believe he used him for sex.

The look on Kino's face confirmed his feeling.

Kino's eyes looked wet, crystal orbs soon to fall clinging right now to his eyelashes. His frown was glass shattering at this point, his small self stepping back from Yuto like he was afraid. Kino,in that second,looked so small. Smaller then Yuto had ever seen him. It made Yuto more afraid then he's ever felt in his life.

"Y-you found them?"

Yuto couldn't speak,only nodded. He needed to leave,oh god did he need to leave.

"You f-found them?"

Kino's chest was shaking,his eyes looking to the ground. Yuto wanted to stay but he needed to leave,no matter how badly this would hurt him.

"I did. So... you see. I can't see you...anymore. I'm sorry."

Yuto wanted to say more and he knew Kino wanted to say more but he couldn't bare to speak,couldn't bare to listen. Couldn't bare to be in this shop anymore without holding the owner in his arms. He couldn't bare it,he couldn't.

He apologized once more and walked past Kino,hearing the smaller boy behind him breathing hard like he was gonna cry any minute now. Yuto felt the same way which is what made him push out the door and practically run back home. 

He locked his doors and collapsed on his couch, his heart breaking in his chest. He'd never experienced true heartbreak,and now he wished he didn't have a heart at all. 

His soulmate picked that second to burst into a loud scream,as if hearing Yuto's thoughts. Their screams were so loud Yuto's eardrums popped. It was as if they could hear Yuto's thoughts, could hear what Yuto hated to admit. 

He didn't wanna be with his soulmate. He wanted to be with Kino. 

His soulmate screamed louder at this thought,as if hearing it said aloud. Yuto deserved the pain he got that night,he actually welcomed it. It made him numb to how heartbroken he truly felt over a boy he shouldn't be with.

Life from then on become unbearable to Yuto. He hated it now. 

Every night his soulmate cried. And everyday it was the same. They were always sad,even more so then they used to be it seemed. Yuto didn't know why,he couldn't ask them. But they were even more sad then they used to be, Yuto was sure of it.

All day and all night he'd listen to their cries. 

Sometimes he was home,cleaning dishes or watching a movie. 

Sometimes he was out,walking around town in a daze as they sobbed in his ears.

Sometimes he was at work,trying desperately to focus on the mountain of paperwork in front of him. Sometimes he got stuff done,and sometimes he didn't.

Wherever he went,they were always crying. It only stopped for a couple hours at a time. When they were so exhausted they'd hiccup and stop, Yuto swore he could hear their snores but knew it was only his imagination.

Before long they'd start up again. So loud and clear,it was as if they'd hadn't stopped at all.

As for pain Yuto had so many bruises it was insane. Actual bruises had formed on him now,not just internal pain anymore it was now so violent it was coloring his skin. A canvas he had become with his soulmate being the artist, their cries and sobs pairing his skin with blue circles and black spots.

He still hadn't told his parents. He was too afraid to,for what he didn't know. But he still hadn't told them so everyday he suffered,alone. Like he always was.

He never went to the movie store anymore. He wanted to but couldn't. He couldn't bare to see Kino,he knew if he did he wouldn't be strong enough to leave. 

He almost gave in once. He walked by the store,hoping but knowing he shouldn't be. Hoping to see Kino in the window,smiling at some customer as they made their purchase and talked about movies. But he didn't see him. Some other guy was there,smiling to the customers. It wasn't as loud as Kino's was,no one ever was.

He wanted to ask who the guy was and where Kino was,but didn't. Instead he ran home and sat on his couch,gazing into nothingness as his other half whined in his ears.

It went on like this for awhile. Yuto alone, while his soulmate cried out for him to hear. Yuto was becoming even more depressed then he'd been. He didn't know what to do,or who to turn to. He missed Kino but knew he shouldn't. He didn't know what to do anymore and all he wanted was answers but who was he supposed to ask to find them?

Then on a Wednesday night,it changed. Fate works funny doesn't it? 

On a Wednesday Yuto was fine, as fine as he could be anyway. He was finishing dinner and had just started on dishes when his phone binged,the sound distracting him from his thoughts.

He reached over to unlock it and when he did his heart dropped to his toes. His throat closed up and he felt sorta dizzy,he even had to lean against the counter for support.

The day we became friends :)

A sour taste fills Yuto's mouth,his heart aching. A flashback sets in his mind,one that makes him hurt.

It was about a week and a half after him and Kino started talking. On the day he came in Kino was smiling like sunshine,his eyes all bright and happy.

"Hello Hyung. I knew you'd be coming soon."

Yuto had smiled and asked how he knew, are you stalking me? Kino only laughed and said "Of course not Hyung. We're friends now so I just knew."

Yuto had raised an eyebrow in question but Kino had ignored it. He instead grabbed Yuto's phone which was in his hand and,seeing it was unlocked, searched for something till he found it. Then he typed something out and handed it back to Yuto.

Yuto had looked confused at the sentence but Kino just smiled,his eyes always bright.

"Now we'll always remember this day. We'll even match,see?"

Kino unlocked his phone,typed something,and turned the screen to Yuto. The calendar said the same thing as his.

Yuto rolled his eyes and Kino laughed while he rang up his purchase.

The flashback burns like fire,his insides aching in ways he's never felt before. Yuto falls backwards against the counter,the glass behind him falling onto the floor to break into a thousand pieces. But Yuto doesn't even hear it fall,doesn't even see it.

The world feels blurry and loud and Yuto can't tell I he has a migraine or if he's had one all night. He feels sorta disoriented,like he's been looking for something all night but can't remember what. 

Honestly nothing is making sense to him right now. Except for one thing. One thing he knows to be truer than anything in the world. One thing he needs to say,regardless of what happens.

He feels like he can't breathe but that doesn't stop him from grabbing his phone and heading to the door. He's not even sure he locks it but he doesn't stop to check,doesn't even take the elevator down cause it's too slow. He's running down the stairs and out the door,onto the street faster then he's ever moved in his life.

He runs and runs, people out and about staring at him but all he can picture is Kino. Kino's smile that brightens his day. Kino's eyes that shine like gold in the sunlight. Kino's chubby cheeks which Yuto kissed countless times on that one night. 

It's a windy night but all Yuto can hear is Kino. Kino's laugh,loud and full and happy enough to fill up the biggest rooms. Kino's voice which Yuto would never tired of hearing even if he lived a million years. Kino's breathing that night when he fell asleep on Yuto's chest,his soft snores and blissful sighs.

People stare and cross lights flash, and the only thing in Yuto's mind is Kino. Kino. Kino Kino Kino. How he misses Kino. God he's missed him so much. Why did he stay away from him? How could he stay away from him?

Yuto rounds the corner,his soulmate wailing in his ear. In the back of his mind Yuto can hear them,he'd be lying if he said he couldn't. Their sobs are loud and clear,as if they're right behind him. 

He wants to say he can't hear them,but he can't. In the back of his head they're there,loud and clear and demanding attention. 

And Yuto is afraid. So afraid. So afraid cause he's supposed to love them. Supposed to love the mate his soul was supposed to be with. He's supposed to love them and spend the rest of his life with them. 

Oh,but how could he? How could he when someone like Kino had come into his life? How could he love his other half with his whole heart,when Kino had already claimed it as his?

All this makes Yuto afraid. So afraid he does something he hasn't done since he was little. 

He cries.

Somewhere in the world he knows they heard him. Their cries stop for the briefest of seconds,as if I'm shock that their soulmate finally responded. Yuto should feel something at this,he doesn't know what but he should. 

But all he can do is cling to the railing as he bounds up the steps. His chest burns from running but he doesn't stop as he runs past doors till he finds the one he wants. His hands shake as he knocks unsteadily, his heart thumping in his chest from nerves and pain and way too much exercise.

His other half whines in his ear but Yuto just knocks harder,his heart hammering in his chest. He needs to say it,the words are hurting too much to keep in anymore. Who knew words could hurt so damn much?

The thought Kino wasn't home made Yuto cry harder,his sobs loud and pained sounding to anyone who could hear them. He raises his hand to knock again and the door flys open,making Yuto sway on his feet a bit.

And he knows his is Kino's house. Of course it's Kino's house,he came here cause Kino lives here. Kino was the one he needed and wanted to see. So why is he so surprised Kino is standing there? Why does he feel confused?

I think it's cause something finally clicks. A little piece inside snapped into place,making the blurry world oh so clear and bright. 

Kino's standing there, small self looking even smaller in his big clothes. Small feet curling against the carpet,which he does when he's cold. Tears in his pretty eyes.

Tears in his pretty eyes,but Yuto doesn't need to see them. He already heard them. He's been hearing them for months now. They're loud and persistent and heartbreaking,but they're there. They were all along. 

Something clicks in Yuto's head. A small voice,sounding suspiciously like his mother, whispering oh so softly. There they are.

Kino must hear her too. His mouth forms a small o. His eyes clearing up a bit as he focuses. The tiniest shadow of a smile marking his face as it clicks into place for him too.

Yuto breathes a shaky breath and wastes no time. He's wasted enough,he doesn't need to waste anymore.

In seconds he's crossed the threshold,grabbing Kino's face in his hands and pulling his lips to his in what feels like a lifetime. Kino sobs a quiet sigh against Yuto's lips, his arms wrapping around Yuto and tugging him closer. 

Yuto still feels breathless from running but he doesn't care,he could care less right now honestly. He kisses Kino over and over again,the warmth of the younger as warm as ever and Yuto has missed this. He missed being so warm.

Both boys are breathless but can't stop,neither wanting to pull away from the others mouth after being apart for so long. It's Yuto who finally pulls away,his chest heaving and lips chapped from the cold and red from Kino's mouth. 

He pulls away but keeps Kino's face in his hands,staring down at the younger who stares right back. Tears slide down Yuto's cheeks which Kino could hear clear as day. Yuto only smiles softly and leans his head to Kino's. And says it.

"I love you. I love you so so much."

And Yuto needs to say more,needs to let all of it out and get it all out there. But Kino won't let him. He smiles as bright as the sun,despite the tears in his eyes, and leans up again to kiss Yuto once more. More then once. More then either can count.

They both wanna say more but don't. They let their lips and eyes do the talking till they fall asleep.

Before they do though, Yuto looks at the beautiful boy in his arms and smiles softly. Kino's eyes shine like gold which still makes Yuto as breathless as ever.

Yuto sighs before he speaks,running his fingers through Kino's hair.

"Sorry I'm late."

No explanation is needed,they both know what this means. Kino shakes his head,smiling.

"Sorry I was late first. But- he moves closer to the older,resting his head against his as he speaks- I'm here now. And I won't be late anymore."

Yuto laughs, a soft but heavy laugh. Yuto thinks back to all his lonely years,all the years everyone had found their other halves and he was alone. Yuto smiles and pulls Kino closer,knowing he'll never be alone again.

He couldnt ask for anything more.


End file.
